I'm A Baby: Get Me Out Of Here!

I nearly saw the Queen yesterday.

I had no idea Liz was in town but maybe I should have realised something was up by the number of Police riot-wagons on the roads and the quantity of yellow-jackets hanging around talking into radios. It was the rather camp checkout guy in Boots who told me about it. "Ooh, it's so exciting", he gushed, "SHE's going to be coming past any minute now!" When I asked "who?", he looked at me like I was mad. "The Queen, of course! She's going to be coming down from the station, going to the Theatre Royal to see a show then visiting some young girl in Whitehawk who won a competition". There was a pause while we both tried to imagine the Queen in Whitehawk - possibly the roughest neighbourhood in Brighton, where police helicopters with spotlights patrol the skies on an almost daily basis and the smoke from torched cars can be seen rising above the stand of Brighton Race Course. It's all part of her glorious realm of course, and the Queen is nothing if not diplomatic, but how was Prince Phil going to react? The cashier and I agreed that little would be able to top that part of her visit, so it was probably a good thing that it was her last stop.

Heading back through the Laines a bit later, a small crowd and greater concentration of policemen suggested that SHE might be close by.

Amazingly, although the Royal Car was right outside the Pavillion Theatre, traffic was still passing by and there was only the lightest of cordons separating royalty from plebs. As I had walked right into the crowd, just by taking my normal route back homewards, I thought I'd stop and watch. I'm definitely not a monarchist, but I don't think the monarchy deserves the villification often meted out on it at a time in history when being a "celebrity" has become a profession in itself. I'd have hung around to have an ogle at Jade Goody (who despite the notoriety of her recent stint on "Celebrity" Big Brother, has still never done anything news-worthy) or even a Premiership footballer, had there been a crowd also waiting. Take away the crowd and I'm just not interested (I saw Preston and Chantelle, the "Celebrity" Big Brother lovebirds) in my local Sainsburys a couple of months back and I have no idea what was in their trolley). Liz and Phil are just another couple of "Slebs", really.

After about 5 minutes of waiting - no longer - Archie decided that if they really couldn't be bothered to wait for them if they couldn't be bothered to show themselves to him. He saves his voice for times like this when he really can achieve maximum effect (on one memorable occasion during the very solemn "Last Post" at the Menin Gate at Ypres, Belgium just before the minute silence).

So, we didn't see the Queen.

Instead Archie and I had a mini-picnic in the Pavillion Gardens (I had some juice, and Archie ate some grass and a yogurt). It was bright enough for him to wear his Baby-Banz and dig his heels in the dirt.

One day, when he's older, I'll show him this picture and tell him that this was the day he nearly met Royalty. I doubt he'll care.

I pray that he'll also be unmoved by the antics of Reality Show "stars" and personal lives, spending habits and product endorsements of sportsmen.

Doubtful, but one can only hope.